so, are you gay?

Let's say you have an acquaintance: male, single, acts and appears normal, talks normal. Has had some relationships with the opposite sex in the past (or so he claims) but none at the present.

The first time you met him, you said to yourself: hmm, just another average Joe.

Or so it seems. Lately, though, things about him just don't quite seem to add up. Like the way his face contorts into a bitchy grimace whenever something doesn't appeal to him. Or how his face is just, well, flawless. Or the way he looks at you and goes, "Hey, I like your outfit today." (instead of just "Hey, you look great today!"). Or how he always manages to outperform you on bitch-fest sessions.

Personally I don't have anything against the third-sex. I think they're very talented and artistic, they have a flair for exaggerated drama (which I find refreshingly funny), and they are blunt but sincere. Well, the screaming queens and the occasional princess with finesse, at least.

But this person - you don't quite know how to classify him. Heterosexual? Homosexual? Or just your plain metrosexual?

Maybe even bi. Now, bisexuals - me no likee. I mean, you gotta decide which you wanna do: the male or the female? (Just not animals, please [now that's perversion to the nth degree].) Because if you can't make up your mind, you're not worth knowing/having as a friend.

So let's say you have this acquaintance I just described, and you're really itching to know if he's gay or not but you don't want to come off as rude or vulgar. Or you don't want to pre-empt him, when you know he has not yet prepared for his coming-out production number.

How, then, do you ask this person about his sexual preference without making it too obvious? Here are some of my ideas:

1) I think Brad Pitt is losing his touch, no? (Plus points for the homo factor if he comments on Brad's appearance, hair, whatever. Minus points if he just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, he's got Angelina Jolie.")

2) Do you think I should dye my hair/change my haircut? (Plus points if he tries to analyze your skin tone/face shape and even suggest highlights; minus points if he just looks at you blankly, like a little boy lost.)

3) What's your favorite color? (Plus points if he answers magenta or fuchsia, minus points if he says navy blue or red.)

So, what could be other ways of asking without being too obvious, hmm?