Sunday, February 25, 2007

in other words

Why do you lose a friendship?

Is it because you were never really friends to begin with, and you just got together due to circumstances, and that, no matter how you try to connect, you just don't?

Or is it because you haven't gotten together for awhile and now that you have started going out again, you realized you are not the same person she knew, and that no matter how you try to tell her that, she just doesn't get it?

Or it could even be that yes, you do go out occasionally, but it's just to party somewhere and there really never was any substantial conversation going on? And somehow, you just lost touch of how your friendship used to be, and then one stormy night, some things were said and you could never take back the words you lashed out on her.

Or is it because one day it just dawned on you that you can't take anymore of her petty dramas and annoying, attention-seeking tantrums?

Or, somewhere along the way, you somehow just went separate ways.

I mean, what I'm saying is: why did I lose you?

Monday, February 5, 2007

so, are you gay?

Let's say you have an acquaintance: male, single, acts and appears normal, talks normal. Has had some relationships with the opposite sex in the past (or so he claims) but none at the present.

The first time you met him, you said to yourself: hmm, just another average Joe.

Or so it seems. Lately, though, things about him just don't quite seem to add up. Like the way his face contorts into a bitchy grimace whenever something doesn't appeal to him. Or how his face is just, well, flawless. Or the way he looks at you and goes, "Hey, I like your outfit today." (instead of just "Hey, you look great today!"). Or how he always manages to outperform you on bitch-fest sessions.

Personally I don't have anything against the third-sex. I think they're very talented and artistic, they have a flair for exaggerated drama (which I find refreshingly funny), and they are blunt but sincere. Well, the screaming queens and the occasional princess with finesse, at least.

But this person - you don't quite know how to classify him. Heterosexual? Homosexual? Or just your plain metrosexual?

Maybe even bi. Now, bisexuals - me no likee. I mean, you gotta decide which you wanna do: the male or the female? (Just not animals, please [now that's perversion to the nth degree].) Because if you can't make up your mind, you're not worth knowing/having as a friend.

So let's say you have this acquaintance I just described, and you're really itching to know if he's gay or not but you don't want to come off as rude or vulgar. Or you don't want to pre-empt him, when you know he has not yet prepared for his coming-out production number.

How, then, do you ask this person about his sexual preference without making it too obvious? Here are some of my ideas:

1) I think Brad Pitt is losing his touch, no? (Plus points for the homo factor if he comments on Brad's appearance, hair, whatever. Minus points if he just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, he's got Angelina Jolie.")

2) Do you think I should dye my hair/change my haircut? (Plus points if he tries to analyze your skin tone/face shape and even suggest highlights; minus points if he just looks at you blankly, like a little boy lost.)

3) What's your favorite color? (Plus points if he answers magenta or fuchsia, minus points if he says navy blue or red.)

So, what could be other ways of asking without being too obvious, hmm?