my 28 summers

so here i stand
on the highway
to Route Mid-Life
a lady of 28 summers
looking all grown-up
two years closer
to the big three-oh
and nowhere closer
to living my dreams
still
i've had no regrets
i've danced without mercy
and i've nibbled on a sunset
i've lived my life
the way i wanted
now
i look towards
another breath-taking dawn
the sky blushing
by the sun's first strokes
and i know that
i will continue on
a lady of 28 summers
kissed by pain
caressed by hope.

are you important enough?

The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. Hate is a by-product of love. So when you hate someone, you actually loved that person first, but then something went wrong, and the love you previously felt now turns to hate.

That said, let me state for the record that, no, I do not hate you. For me to hate you, you have to be important enough for me so I can love you first, and then hate you.

So no, I do not hate you, because you are not important to me.

beautiful, by sheep placenta

I've always been fond of reading labels. Be these on a shampoo, on a facial moisturizer, on a deodorant.. there's just something about the words strung together promising beautiful results in 7 days, or 2 weeks, or 48 years that somehow fascinates me.

So consider, if you will, the somewhat confusing promises and directions that I read from a facial moisturizer I found in my Nanay's kikay cabinet.

Beautiful, by Sheep Placenta
Deep Whiten & Glowing Skin Activating Jelly
One minutes dispel horniness

Efficacy: This product contains rich sheep placenta essence and various vitamin. It can restrain the growth of skins bacteria, also can moisten and whiten your skin, strengthen the skins elasticity, so make your skin more whiter and softer. And this product by use of vitamin B3, Ve, and mulberry extraction distillate, availability wipe off face die cell, restrain melanin, strengthen cell renovate, restrain melanin and blemish, skin whitening, look brand-new.

USE: Days for three-two, first shall face wetness, and weild the product gently knead, then with cleanly water washing.

NOTICE: avoid into eyeball, if immodestly, shortly washing for cleanly water.

And on the side of the box: Clean out horniness whitening

**I'm almost afraid for my Nanay. Whatever shall happen to her when she decides to use this product??

And I swear, I did not change/add a single word.

Dear Papa

Eighteen years ago today, we arrived at your house all dusty from our road trip and still reeling from that sleepless night on the boat.

A malevolent silence greeted us when we came in, not like the soothing silence that I am used to during naptime after lunch. I remember Manang Daday ushering us in, all anxious and jittery, talking to us in a hushed voice. Then she led Tatay and Nanay to your room, and we kids were told to wait outside.

After a few tense moments, we heard a loud tormented wail – a piercing, broken chord of desperate anguish. I was told later it came out of my Nanay’s mouth, when, upon entering your room, a tear trickled down your cheek and you breathed out your last sigh. You never even had the chance to speak; Mama told me you just seemed happy and content your family was complete by your deathbed.

I don’t remember much the chaos that ensued after your last breath, except that Auntie Rochie came out of your room, her face bearing an expression of dignified sorrow, and then collapsing into Manang Daday’s arms in a heap of heart-breaking sobs.

Young as I was, I did not realize then that I was never going to see you again. Never feel the warmth of your hugs, never again enjoy the haven of your protection against Uncle Junie’s endless teasing. I did not realize yet, Papa, that you would be encased in that wretched box of wood and just lie there with your eyes closed and not reach out and embrace me, and that they would lower you into that freshly-dug earth and leave you there to be eaten by whatever-icky things are found in the ground.

Had I known, Papa, I would never have allowed them to stay at your house at all times of the night, just talking and talking, as if nothing had happened! I know you must be thinking I am being maldita again, but I guess that when I knew I had you to back me up, I can afford to be maldita, even to that Uncle Junie who never runs out of anything to annoy me.

Papa, if you could only see us now, we’re all big and grown-up already, even Jari who you used to cuddle in your arms. But I guess you could see us, huh?

I talked with Mama last night, and she told me it only seemed like yesterday that we were at Siquijor Island, going through the motions of the funeral and burial practices. She can’t wait to be with you, you know. Last month, we had a pray-over on your birthday, and she cried while she recited the prayers. She really misses you.

We all miss you, Papa. You did not have to leave so soon, but I guess you had to. If anything, you taught me about death and losing someone close to your heart. Death is not about saying goodbye; it’s God’s way of temporarily separating us from each other so that when next we meet, we’ll have lots of stories to tell.

hello?

One evening, Allan was patiently teaching Kikik how to answer the telephone.

Allan: Unsa gali to isulti kung naai manawag ig ka buntag?

Kikik: Hello, good morning! (with a big smile)

Allan: Very good. Unya kung hapon, unsai isulti?

Kikik (pausing for a few seconds, apparently thinking): Hello, good afternoon!

Allan: Wow, ka-bright gyud aning bataa oi. Unya kung gabii manawag, unsai isulti?

Kikik smiles at Auntie-Mom, hoping to get her on his side and help him answer the question. Auntie-Mom just smiles back.

Accepting defeat good-naturedly, Kikik turns to Uncle Allan, gives him a winning smile, and answers triumphantly: Hello??

what's the name of the game?

Case No. 1 : You tell us one story, and you tell others another version of the same story (with a BIG difference in the versions, nonetheless). You go, "ssshhh, sshhh, this is a secret, don't tell our friends that I'm telling you this," but we find out later that you've been baring your secrets to everybody all along.

Case No. 2: You appear to be cultured and sanctimonious, but somehow, your actions and everyday deeds don't quite seem to add up.

Case No. 3: I always thought you were nice and sweet, but then again, I've also seen your "mean b*tch" persona.

Case No. 4: Do you always have to look your dressed-to-the-nines, all-glammed-up, dirty-rich-girl, fashionista-extraordinaire look? Even if it's just to buy banana Q outside?

Case No. 5: You can't seem to stand other noises that are not emitted by you. When other people start to enjoy themselves, you tell them to SHUT UP (with all that b*tchy attitude you can muster); yet, you have an uncanny knack for advertising your mirth, too.

So to you all numbered cases: come now, pray tell, what's the name of your game?

abba fever

I just can’t seem to get ABBA songs off my mind these days.

It all started one bleak Saturday morning, when I was still in bed, floating blissfully between complete wakefulness and quiet slumber, listening to the peaceful silence in our house.

Then, out of nowhere, our stereo blasted out loud with songs of Abba. I remember the first song was Knowing Me, Knowing You. Listening to the barrage of songs while still in bed, I thought how wonderful it must have been to live in an era uncluttered by cellphones, where The Mall is not yet the place to see and be seen (in my town, at least).

I like to think that people growing up in those times went to parks, swam in the beaches, or hiked up mountain trails on weekends. Sometimes they might have a party at a friend’s house, and since videoke was not yet around at that time, people actually talked to each other during parties, or played games (decent or otherwise).

I suddenly felt nostalgic for those times (even though I was born in the late 70’s). Or could it be that the hypnotic tunes of Abba have made me wistful somehow? As their music weaves into the air, I closed my eyes again and allowed the music to lull me into yet another sleep.

Since then, I couldn’t get their songs off my mind. I have a playlist from where I work, and Abba is its latest inclusion. I listen to it all day now, and at night, their songs find their way into my dreams somehow.

And for the record, I have not yet gotten around to returning to other songs again.