beautiful, by sheep placenta

I've always been fond of reading labels. Be these on a shampoo, on a facial moisturizer, on a deodorant.. there's just something about the words strung together promising beautiful results in 7 days, or 2 weeks, or 48 years that somehow fascinates me.

So consider, if you will, the somewhat confusing promises and directions that I read from a facial moisturizer I found in my Nanay's kikay cabinet.

Beautiful, by Sheep Placenta
Deep Whiten & Glowing Skin Activating Jelly
One minutes dispel horniness

Efficacy: This product contains rich sheep placenta essence and various vitamin. It can restrain the growth of skins bacteria, also can moisten and whiten your skin, strengthen the skins elasticity, so make your skin more whiter and softer. And this product by use of vitamin B3, Ve, and mulberry extraction distillate, availability wipe off face die cell, restrain melanin, strengthen cell renovate, restrain melanin and blemish, skin whitening, look brand-new.

USE: Days for three-two, first shall face wetness, and weild the product gently knead, then with cleanly water washing.

NOTICE: avoid into eyeball, if immodestly, shortly washing for cleanly water.

And on the side of the box: Clean out horniness whitening

**I'm almost afraid for my Nanay. Whatever shall happen to her when she decides to use this product??

And I swear, I did not change/add a single word.